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Dirty Pictures And Trust
Posted:May 18, 2018 5:07 pm
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2018 12:14 pm
6319 Views

Being on this site, it's more likely than not that there are at least a few pictures of you in which you're sans clothing and/or involved in a sex act. These may have been taken by you or a partner, current or previous. Regardless of who took what, there are almost certainly some of those photos in the possession of a partner, again current or past.

The question that's been rolling around in my head is whether you're comfortable with the other party having those photos in their possession. Do you trust them to not share without your permission? Could there be a jilted lover in your past who you're concerned may post your pictures far and wide? Perhaps they know some of your colleagues and in a drunken rage, your dirty photos find their way into your office?

For clarification, I'm referring to pictures that include faces, where the subject can be clearly identified. Photos of only breasts or genitals only don't count, because our identities aren't exposed in those. Like many other men, I've got a number of photos of previous partners in highly compromising positions and I often wonder how concerned they are those pictures won't wind up on a website somewhere. If I asked, I know the response would be 'well, I am now!' So I'm asking here.

I'm not asking how much or little you'd care, were your pictures circulated without your permission. This is purely a question of trust.

How much do you trust the partners who possess compromising photos of you to not share them without your permission?
I trust my lovers to do the right thing and keep our pictures between us.
I'm a bit worried, but not about anyone in particular.
There's someone I was with; it wouldn't be out of character for them to try to hurt me that way.
I lose sleep at night, because people can be so hurtful. Thanks for reminding me, asshole.
7 Comments , 63 votes
Joining The Klan
Posted:Apr 30, 2018 4:57 pm
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2019 4:48 pm
3862 Views

(From yesterday) Sunday morning in the flat lands and I'm waking up al again. This is noteworthy because I had women eager and willing for me to do very bad things to them, this weekend, and I bailed on both. Each brought her own brand of lunacy to the table, and since they dropped in at the same time, I thought I'd share.

The first woman was a previous float in my parade of loons. We had traded notes a few months back, but not met. She was the first woman who had actually heduled a sexting session. Seriously, she told me that we would sext that evening and at the appointed time, began sending x-rated pictures and videos. Perhaps I'm different from most guys, but I need a bit of warming up before such a stream of material excites me. In any case, before I wander too far into the details, I blew her off because she was an oddball. She was oddly self-absorbed and shared way too many details of her dysfunctional past with me. Because she fancied herself as a writer, those details came in the form of epic length emails rife with nonsensical metaphors. Ask her what time it was and she'd share interminable thoughts on time itself, as well as how it impacted her previous struggles with mental illness.

This woman reappeared and wanted me to afford her another opportunity to date. Having suffered her bullshit before, I told her I needed a fuck toy and she would come over Saturday (last) night to provide that . She readily agreed and the epic notes returned. Fuck, I forgot what a whack job she was. She also had the strong aroma of a stalker. Next!

The other woman, in some ways, was even more fucked up than the first . Like the first, she was smart, educated, and had something to say. It didn't hurt she was gorgeous as well. I'll also mention she was black, for reasons that'll become clear in a bit. Sandi was an interesting girl, in that she worked like crazy to maintain her tough, outer shell. She also seemed to enjoy keeping me on my toes. For those reasons, I took some of her demands with a grain of salt. But she made demands that, in my mind, had her straddling the fence between high maintenance and manipulative. For example, when we planned to talk on the ph for the first time, she got angry I wouldn't share my number as soon as the plans were made, even though we wouldn't be speaking for several hours.

There were other things that rang some bells, such as her way of engaging her fwb's. I'll stop for a moment and state that of the other things I appreciated about Sandi was her sex drive and level of perversity matched my own. Back to her fwb's, she would fuck them, but refuse to kiss them. This, she told me, was in order to compartmentalize feelings versus sexual pleasure. I found this to be rather odd, because I've kissed every of my fwb's and they've eagerly reciprocated. She also made it clear she was no 's sub; in fact, she told me I would be her's. Also, she enjoyed having a man go down on her, but hadn't experienced that in , due to the vulnerability involved. For those who guessed intimacy issues, you can collect your t-shirt in the lobby.

We had planned to get together last night, but talked every evening this past week, almost always enjoying some ph dirtiness before hanging up. Sometimes, the ph sex was the main event. She slowly opened up to me, after realizing I really wasn't interested in just fucking her. That trust allowed her to share her deepest, darkest sexual fantasy with me. I've d some very naughty, dirty things sexually, but what she shared shocked even me. She wanted me to secure a set of Klan robe / hood and put her in her place as an inferior black girl. To treat her like a possession, rough her up / choke her, and degrade her without mercy. I sort of said 'youwantmetodowhatnow?' I find the Klan to be the worst of those with whom I share the planet and to have a strong, black woman want to bring them into the bedroom absolutely floored me. It would have been difficult for me to put on a set of Klan robes. That being said, within certain boundaries (i.e. no other species, football teams, at, etc.) I'll do what it takes to take my partner to new levels of sexual pleasure. So, that was the role for that night's ph fun.

I'll spare what broke the camel's back to make me bail, but part of it was she also had the delightful ent of stalker on her. Strange I've never really smelled that before, but encounter in a week.

Another fun week in Kansas, boys and girls.

Just as an FYI, If any's interested, finding KKK robes and hoods is pretty much impossible. Neither Amazon nor eBay list them, and if those don't offer something, it's likely not available to buy. There's my tidbit of knowledge for the week.
7 Comments
Do You Know Yourself?
Posted:Apr 24, 2018 4:56 pm
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2018 9:27 pm
3727 Views

The words on the reen stung a bit. They were from a woman with whom I thought I saw what could be an amazing relationship. Our third date had been even more fun than the previous and it was clear our desire would take over on number and we'd become intimate. I'd told her I wanted us to be exclusive. Regular readers know I'm a fan of monogamy, plus I really liked this woman. But there were the words.

I don't want an exclusive sexual relationship with you.

After a bit of back and forth, I got to the heart of the matter. She wanted a sexual relationship with me but wanted to explore new possibilities, being fresh out of her marriage (dating separated people...never a good idea). She wanted to sleep around a bit.

I responded by asking "you know we're talking about you, right? The woman who, on our second date, wouldn't invite me up to her apartment in order to continue the heavy make out session that had begun in my car because 'I barely know you'. The same woman, who on our third date, required some serious arm twisting before she finally relented to having me up; for the same reason, I might add. (and not to have sex) And you think you can casually fuck random guys?"

While we were a couple, we would often joke about that, and she would always finish with 'I could totally be a slut.' Sure you could, sweetheart.

My point in sharing this story is that her lack of understanding of who she was and what she was capable of could have torpedoed something great between the of us. (instead, it was her abysmal self-esteem that served as the projectile, but that's another story)

The experience that spurred this entry though, occurred recently, and was deja vu all over again with a similar encounter a few ago. While both women fell into the same demographic, data points do not make a trend. But the data points are the same. The women were full blown submissives, who hadn't been with a man in at least a year. Having spotted their concealed desires, I brought each 'out of their shell' and was met with a sentiment of 'I want you to take me asap' and called 'master' by both. Then, to borrow a line from Top Gun, they each realized their sex drive wrote a check their body couldn't cash. In other words, both flaked. The first got halfway to the wine bar, at which we were meeting, and realized she couldn't go through with fucking a complete stranger. She was apologetic, I was supportive. There was some chemistry, but we never reconnected. The second ghosted me before we could meet. I sent her a note a week or so after, asking why she ghosted me, to which she responded to the effect of 'those things you said to me before we even met were rewed up'. Oh, you mean the things that you were self-stimulating to as I said them? As noted, both women couldn't overcome their own inhibitions, even though they clearly thought they could.

The moral of these stories is understanding the person in the mirror is vital, when you're attempting to find a mate or chart your course. Without knowing yourself, you can never hope to truly know some else.
4 Comments
Dating Profile of the Week
Posted:Mar 5, 2018 8:16 pm
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2018 4:57 pm
4564 Views

Let me state up front, that I'm not poking fun at this profile in any way, shape, or form. Something about it struck me as humorous in the 'wow, not exactly the party girl type, is she?' sort of way.

My self-summary

I spent most of my 20s traveling to Antarctica researching polar plankton. Now, I enjoy documentaries (the more depressing the better!), live music and art here in Kansas City.

I can usually be found walking my two awesome dogs.


Again, it struck me as humorous because like all men, I'm actually 12 years old.
1 comment
Is It Better To Have Loved And Lost?
Posted:Mar 3, 2018 10:28 am
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2018 6:59 pm
3384 Views

I'm finishing up an entry around those famous words from Lord Tennyson:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Before I publish it, I want to hear what others have to say on the topic.

Is it true that it's better to have loved and lost or could we be just as happy to not have loved in the first place?

Open forum to comment freely...
3 Comments
What Have I Become???
Posted:Feb 28, 2018 5:47 pm
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2018 7:06 am
3316 Views

Recently, I haven't been feeling myself and I'm not sure what's happening. Putting it into words has been a challenge, so I'll share two events that illustrate why I'm so out of sorts.

First, I was in Richmond last week, to deal with a few things and one of those found me in circuit court. It was not a criminal matter and I wasn't the defendant. Since there are apparently not many civil cases at any one time, mine got lumped in with what I discovered was drug court. I'd briefly researched the judge I'd be in front of and discovered he ran his own program for substance abusers. My case was placed behind the various drug cases, which afforded me the opportunity to observe this judge and his interaction with those in front of him.

To say I was astonished by his behavior would be an understatement. He treated each defendant with kindness and respect. It was clear he had read every bit of the case files in front of him. When rendering his decision, this man showed more concern for a positive outcome for these people than he did about 'carrying out justice'. When considering those who've broken the law, my position has always been 'try 'em and fry 'em' but something about the humanity I saw demonstrated in that courtroom struck home with me. I walked out of that courthouse thinking the world needs more of what I'd just witnessed.

The second event occurred just yesterday, when a colleague and I were discussing an execution gone wrong in I think Arkansas, not that it matters. Again, my position has always been to take the bastards out and shoot 'em. But yesterday's conversation made me think about the topic in a different way. Rather than focus on the condemned, what about those who physically carry out the sentence? The guy who administers the lethal injection, or pulls the switch on 'Old Sparky'? What a terrible burden to carry around; I just took the life of another human. No one escapes the trauma associated with such an act. In the past, PA used firing squads to execute prisoners. In order to prevent such trauma, all but one of the guards had blanks loaded in his gun, and the weapons weren't handed out until right before the event. Let me tell you, when you're firing blanks, it's a completely different feeling than when discharging live ammo, so there's no way the man who fired the rounds that killed the prisoner didn't know he was that guy. And let's be honest with ourselves, the death penalty isn't a deterrent in the least.

At the end of the brief conversation, I'd reached the conclusion that the death penalty should be removed as punishment. Not because some nasty scumbags don't deserve a slow, painful death, but to preserve the humanity of those tasked with carrying out the order.

So, what's happening to me? Has my brain been scrambled somehow? Oh shit!

I'm becoming a LIBERAL!!!
6 Comments
More - DPOW
Posted:Dec 28, 2017 5:47 pm
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2017 7:49 pm
4349 Views

For those who may have wondered whether the previous DPOW was atypical, it wasn't. Here are more I documented in my other blog.

I admit to slacking quite a on the dating profile of the week. The time I've been devoting to my blog has mostly been spent on entries with real content and the DPOW has been left behind.

In order to make it up to my readers a bit, there are profiles of the week, this time. It made sense because they both fall into the same category. See if you can recognize the theme.

Profile 1 is courtesy of Plenty of Fish user Sincerenow2118.

"Seeking a male. Must be at least close to feet tall or better. Please no out of state responses. If you are dating some don't message me please. Must have your own place and vehicle. Must know How to treat a lady. No booty s here."

Profile 2 comes from sannyjo3231, also on POF.

"Made a few changes on my profile..

1st .. not your baby.. you have to earn that

2nd.. looking for fun means just that.. and for those of you that assume it means I want to **** your brains out..GET OVER YOURSELVES.

3rd.. I'm gonna leave this open for now because I have a feeling I'm gonna need to update again."

And yes, those are their entire profiles. Of course, the thing they have in common is bitching about who's been messaging them and sharing absolutely nothing about themselves.

Way to draw a man in with all of your fantastic qualities, ladies. I'm certain I speak for most of the English speaking world when I say I'm baffled why you're single.

Happy Dating, readers!
2 Comments
Semi Annual Dating Profile Of The Week
Posted:Dec 28, 2017 5:15 pm
Last Updated:Dec 29, 2017 12:46 pm
4329 Views

Yes, what was once a weekly endeavor declined to monthly frequency, then quarterly, and now semiannual. The truth is garbage profiles all run together after reading the same crap for the 101st time, they lose impact. However, once in a while, a profile jumps out as truly dreadful, such as the below.

As usual, I've copied the entire profile, so readers can completely soak in the lunacy. While longer than most of my previous examples, this is that does keep on giving. It comes from Emptynester, a 44 year old woman from Bucyrus, KS. She's a bubbly, blond, type, who clearly spends her free time fearing carbs. Empty not only seeks some who likely doesn't exist, but takes 'here's what I don't want' to a new level of greatness.

I'm currently living in Columbia, Mo. My is now a junior in college, so I able (and ready) to relocate if I met the right person.

I've had long-term relationships with very great men. I'm out of my last relationship, and I'm ready to find another great partner.

I will openly admit that I don't enjoy this experience too much, so in an attempt to save time/energy, please understand that I am at a point in my life that I would prefer to not deal with the demands of young . Also, physical fitness is a VERY important part of my life and consumes a great deal of my time; I am also an active yogi and practice daily meditation...these are my passions. It is an ABSOLUTE REQUIREMENT that whomever I date also desires to live aligned w these passions. If you do not, please respect my time. I apologize if that comes across as rude, but I'm here looking for a partner, not friends or compliments.

ADDENDUM: I have encountered a lot of "John 14:6 Christians" lately. For the record, I am an extremely spiritual person: I believe in a Higher Power, and I believe there are MANY paths that lead to God. I do not diriminate on a person's path unless "that path" forces you to be so ridged that you believe "your way" is "the only way". If you believe Jesus Christ is the and only of God, we most definitely are not a Match: DEAL BREAKER. I'm not here to debate religious beliefs. 🙄

ADDENDUM II: I'm not a fan of facial hair, and it would take a lot for me to get beyond it: too ratchy. 😉

If we share these similar interests/beliefs, I look forward to hear from you; if we don't, I wish you the best in your search!

Initially, I struggled to properly deribe all the ways this woman is just plain batty, but quickly realized there's no need. She does it all by herself.

Be careful out there, my single friends.
9 Comments
A New Venue
Posted:Dec 25, 2017 5:00 pm
Last Updated:Dec 25, 2017 5:01 pm
4301 Views

While this post is mostly about the new dating record, it'll also serve as a bit of an omnibus entry on life in KC as well as other things. Oh yeah, did I mention I moved to Kansas City? Let's begin there.

As I've perused dating profiles, a few patterns quickly emerged. First, they sell a LOT of makeup in KC; I've never seen so much product on faces as I have here. Another trend is that even the women are mostly rabid sports fans. KC won the World Series a few ago, so every's a Royals fan. Then, there's the Chiefs for football. Out here, being a Royals fan is like loving the beach in RVA; of course, this is the Midwest and there ain't no beach anywhere close. I will say fewer women explicitly state they love to laugh, which can't be but so bad. Finally, if I had any doubt about landing in the Bible belt, it's long since vanished. I've never seen so many women who espouse their faith and trust God, yada yada yada... While I have no issue with people of faith, I won't date for reasons I've already diussed. Also, plenty of women who fish and hunt. Finally, there seem to be an inordinate number of women with Harley's; no clue what's driving that.

While I'm on dating trends, I'll also share that's become universal, in my experience. So many women are posting face pictures run through a filter that is a mix between a soft focus and something else. It removes wrinkles from their faces and makes them look vibrant. I'm guessing it comes from of the apps like chat or something similar. Regardless, I've seen a multitude of profiles with these pictures and wonder what the hell these women are thinking. Sure, you look great in your pictures, but what sort of face will I encounter when we actually meet? In my mind, this is even worse than the 10 year old, 50 pound lighter photos people leave on their profiles because this photo effect requires effort, so it's tantamount to intentional misdirection. Just my $.02 on the subject.

I'm still homeless and living in an extended stay hotel. Great for points but it's getting old. I've been looking for a house to rent until I decide what I'm doing out here and the oddest thing I've diovered is that Johnson County keeps being brought up as where all the 'upper echelon' folks live. Really? A whole county? The only instance of a whole county genuinely being home to the wealthy, almost exclusively, is Suffolk county in NY, on the eastern most portion of Long Island. Think Hamptons and you'll get the idea. Back to KC, most of the houses that meet my criteria are in JoCo, so I've spent a fair amount of time traversing the area. I can tell you that while there are certainly some very very nice homes, the place has its share of dumps as well. The key attribute it possesses though is that being the only county that's not neither in the city nor middle of nowhere. So, by default, it's the premier location to live in the area.

On to the dating! I unhid my Match profile, threw the location of my hotel on it, and began to explore (I've already covered those impressions). Smelling the fresh meat of a single guy new to the market, I was quickly approached by a few women.

Conversation with the first progressed quickly and at some point I mentid writing this blog. Initially she wanted to know whether I was dating solely for material for my blog. Ummm, no hy. Despite my insisting I was actually looking for a relationship, she remained quite concerned she'd wind up being diussed here. I told her I'd seen just about everything under the sun, from a dating perspective, and that she'd have to be particularly out there to find a place in my blog. Perhaps of my weaknesses is underestimating people.

Initially, when she reached out to me, I hesitated to respond because she wasn't the type of woman I'm usually interested in. But she seemed kind and fun and uncomplicated. When I say she was uncomplicated, I mean her mind was uncomplicated with any sort of deep thought; that was what made her not my normal type. But, perhaps uncomplicated was what I needed at the moment.

Despite being uncomplicated, this woman brought more than her share of complications to the party. She'd been in an emotionally abusive marriage with a man who body shamed her, so her self esteem was iffy on a good day. She was also of those girls who loved sex but didn't want to be labeled as a slutty girl. To top it off, she bemoaned her trusting nature being taking advantage of by men she'd dated.

The only thing that kept me from bolting immediately was her early revelation that she was a dirty girl and sent me photos to prove it. I'm a guy and hadn't gotten laid in awhile, so that sort of uncomplicated fun sounded great to me. Stop reading if you've got an issue with that. What made her more attractive was that she wanted our first date activity to take place on a Serta, since she'd also been without for awhile. We both wanted a nice relationship, so this wasn't intended to be a night stand, but our first date was about satisfying needs. I already knew that in all likelihood, nothing good would come from this, but uncomplicated was so refreshing. Except when it wasn't.

The warning signs kept trickling in the form of a few reoccurring themes. She kept repeating how she was 'unique and a great catch' and 'wasn't like any other woman I'd ever met' to where it almost sounded like a mantra. She had lingering body image issues and was 'insecure' about her w.

Oh I recognized it at the time, the fucked up self esteem and such. But uncomplicated was so refreshing.

I thought it prudent to diuss expectations for our outing. Considering her self esteem issues, I was just waiting for her to decide to be a lady (another post to be completed). I also wanted to diuss safety due to not wishing to receive a complicated gift that kept giving. Before I could , she sent me a note and said she wanted to be up front with me about her dating situation. She'd previously told me about another guy she'd been talking to, who was on an international assignment but would be returning shortly. She brought him up and said she took great pride in her loyalty and wanted to meet him when he returned. He deserved 'a chance'. Oh and there were other guys she'd been talking to before I came along and she wanted to meet them too, for the same reason. Again, because of loyalty. Uhhh, what???

So, I ed her that night and tried to her understand that dating wasn't the same as little league; not every who signs up gets to . Grownups choose their best ers in order to be successful. Not to mention you have no obligation to some dude who you haven't found interesting enough to even talk on the ph with. I also told her that I would not be of , even though she clarified she wouldn't be sleeping with the others. By the time you get to actual dates, dating isn't a competition where you meet a bunch of people, then rank them. If you meet some and really like them, you don't meet a bunch of others just to be 'fair'. So, her not being able to narrow the field, so to speak, made it clear she was absolutely clueless. She said that she hadn't thought of the situation the way I had; that I'd changed her mind and she would jettison the extras.

With regard to sleeping together, I made it clear I expected us to remain monogamous, so long as we intended to continue with adult time. Bottom line is if you're sleeping with me, I don't want you rewing other guys in between our encounters. It's basic safety as well as serves to eliminate confusion. It's a way street because I reciprocate with the same, regardless of whether we're talking relationship or fwb's. Despite explaining my desires using small words, she kept insisting I'd consider us to be in a relationship after we slept together. I repeatedly explained that wasn't the case. But she just didn't seem to grasp that sexual monogamy and a relationship weren't always the same thing. The joys of an uncomplicated girl.

She wouldn't let this die, despite me explaining in every way possible, including hand puppets. She'd interject proclamations of how unique and special she was and how she deserved to be treated well. Also, how she was nervous because of her body image. Yeah, she was all over the map with dysfunction. But she remained stymied on how monogamy doesn't always equal a relationship. In her frustration, she began to insult me.

Well, that did it for me. I all but hung up on her at that point, although I'm fairly certain I uttered a few choice words she didn't know the meaning of.

Uncomplicated is so refreshing!

I will say she was right about thing though. She was quite unique and unlike any woman I've ever encountered. Her unique blend of stupidity, insecurity, and childish behavior will make her stand out for quite some time.

But wait, there's more!

Another woman had reached out to me and we'd begun to exchange notes. She seemed okay, if not compelling, but could at least carry on a conversation. Shortly after our initial contact, I'd decided I'd already reached a point where I'd had enough of reentering the dating ene, so I hid my profile. During an exchange, she mentid something about understanding I was a Formula 1 fan. I was duly impressed she managed to remember that from my profile. In the next set of notes, she wanted to talk about the pictures on my profile, and began to note specific details in each . 'I'm looking at the picture of you under your Porhe...' Wait, what? Then it hit me; she must have copied my entire profile, pictures and all. Whether she had become mildly obsessed or not, I found it creepy. I asked her how she was looking at my pictures when my profile was hidden. I'm sure it will come as no surprise when I say she vanished, after that.

And there you have it, folks. Right out of the gate, my first encounters with KC women have yielded fucking oddballs. Oh, this is going to be quite the adventure in the flat lands!
1 comment
Dating Profile Of The Week for May 1, 2017
Posted:May 2, 2017 1:15 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2017 7:28 am
9465 Views

Lately, I've been remiss in sharing interesting dating profiles I've come across. I've been busy meeting the strange and freaky, as well as engaging in real life. While I've gathered a few profiles that are laughable (which I'll share at some point), this one popped up today and really struck a chord.

On Plethora of Fools, user RVA5025 (Natalie) devotes a sizable chunk of her profile to demeaning other women who she sees as inferior to herself.

She writes:

I get that there are many women whose idea of "flirting" is texting naked and suggestive pictures to you. I get that a large percentage of women you've met will go home with you before knowing your last name, and if not on the first date, certainly by the second or third. This is not me.

That doesn't make me a prude or a woman who doesn't enjoy intimacy. That makes me a woman with self-respect and standards. I know that's rare these days...


I'm going full off the cuff on this one, , and remove what little filter I possess. The first thing I thought, when reading this was 'you stupid, judgmental, closed minded, ignorant bitch'. Seriously, you're looking down your nose at other women for something you obviously have zero clue about.

Women don't have sex with a guy on the first or second date because they lack self-respect or possess low standards. They do it because they want to be fucked! A woman can do that because she controls her body and has the power to do with it as she sees fit. When she has needs, she has the option to fuck whoever she wants and still look at herself in the mirror. I'm so sick of slut shaming by the ignorant.

She's not the first woman I've encountered with this same point of view. The kind who considers sex as a reward for sticking with them through a certain period of time. 'You're a good boy and have proven yourself worthy by tolerating me, despite how bitchy and humorless I am. You may put your penis inside me. But please take a shower first and don't even think of putting that thing near my mouth.' This attitude wasn't uncommon when I was in my 20's, but if a woman reaches her forties and nothing's changed, she's got some issues. I haven't encountered very many women in their forties who don't want sex a lot. In any case, you know damned well sex with this chick will be horrible.

My Turkish former fwb had the same viewpoint, when it came to sleeping with men she was dating. She even came up with a points system to prevent sleeping with a guy too early. I told her that no matter what hurdles she put up, it didn't matter. Just because the guy stayed with you until he met the points quota doesn't mean he won't disappear the morning after he fucks you. Furthermore, some guys enjoy a challenge, meaning they'll stick it out, just to get what they want. Conversely, fucking a guy on the first or second date has almost no bearing on whether the relationship will last.

I'm done with my tirade now...
3 Comments
Your Relationship With a Married Man Isn't
Posted:May 1, 2017 6:01 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2017 7:29 am
9715 Views

If you read my previous blog, which discussed unrealistic expectations in dating, and why women who've never been married / had tend to be one big red flag, you'll remember the woman who became the sort of poster for both. In that post, I also related how the love of her life was a man married to another woman. Over the years, I've encountered a few women who've told me the same thing. In fact, I got into a fairly hot debate with another blogger here, when she attempted to defend being involved with a married man. But this most recent one pushed me over the edge to write about the topic. I almost feel the need to thank her for providing such great material for this blog, although I doubt she'd be terribly welcoming of my gratitude.

Before we go any further, I'll preface by saying this blog will likely include some rather blunt and nasty sentiments. And lots of sarcasm. I consider repeated and ongoing infidelity to be reprehensible and therefore, have little tolerance or compassion for those who engage in it.

Back on topic..

As a basis for discussion, here's what the most recent woman wrote in an email to me, although it's incredibly consistent with what I've heard from the others I've encountered.

...there has been one man in my life who made me feel incredibly sexy, beautiful, and wanted. He was and probably still is absolutely amazing. The only man I have ever loved. We trusted each other against all odds and allowed ourselves to be vulnerable through words, thoughts, and announced feelings. He was also married and it would never be anything but that. Shame on him and shame on me yet the greatest love I have ever felt.

Morality
Let's get this one out of the way first. For the cheater, I don't think there's much of a debate to be had. He's repeatedly cheating, being unfaithful, trashing his marriage vows, etc. He's a scum bag of the highest order; pretty self-evident stuff. In my opinion, she's not much better, knowingly engaging with a scumbag cheating on his wife. Obviously, the situation changes if she doesn't know he's married, but that takes a special kind of naivete. No, the women I've encountered have all been intelligent enough to know the guy's both married and going to stay that way.

Gullibility?
While that wonderful man is lying to and cheating on his wife, the other woman believes he's being honest with her. Why would she believe otherwise? Clearly, his actions demonstrate his high level of integrity!

My favorite part of her text bears repeating:
We trusted each other against all odds and allowed ourselves to be vulnerable through words, thoughts, and announced feelings.

Odds of what, you drama queen? Getting caught sneaking around with a married dude? Maybe that's it, against all odds, we got away with it.

Also, I think it's I'd be remiss if I neglected to point out the omission of a rather important word here. That word is ACTIONS. As I wrote in my blog about love, it's a verb, and while words are nice to say and hear, they mean nothing without the deeds associated with them. And that's why this mess isn't a relationship.

But, because he has to go home to his wife, he gets a pass on that whole action thing. Except for the action he's getting from his side chick, obviously. That's a great gig for him!

He's saying all the things she wants to hear and she's drinking it in, like some sort of ambrosia. She believes him because why wouldn't she? After all, there has never ever been a man, in the history of civilization, who has said things a woman wants to hear in order to get her into the sack. I'm confident enough to say I speak for every man on this. It's just something we wouldn't do.

Yet, I've heard many women complain about men who do just that; say whatever they need to for a roll in the hay. As a matter of fact, the woman who wrote the above, did just that in the same email. It seems those weren't the right words for her to swallow.

When a woman tries to justify how great the cheater she's screwing is, I like to ask questions that usually get me in trouble, but force her to admit things she doesn't want to. 'So when the last time he changed a tough to reach light bulb for you? Or got under your car to investigate the odd noise it was making. When you had that awful stomach flu, did he come over and take care of you?' The most common response, after the explanations and justifications (he would if he could, really!), is 'never'.

Gullible? I think that's being kind.

Affecting Later Relationships
When the two part ways, how does her experience impact how she views new potential relationships? She has a plethora of fond memories, where her partner is loving, kind, thoughtful, and eager to please. He always made their time together seem like a fairy tale. She never considers that he only needed to be this amazing man for a few hours a week. Almost any man can be 'perfect' and 'amazing' for short bursts. But she's not thinking about that because she can feel he truly loves her, he said, sarcastically.

She doesn't see how he's let the garage become a disaster area, how he berates his (when he's not ignoring them), or refuses to help around the house. How he's a bastard to be around, when he's had a bad day at work. She doesn't hear him body shaming his wife. These are are all made up and are not intended to describe anyone in particular. However, from the women I've dated who've had their husband cheat on them, they're not far from the truth. Not one told me their ex was a loving man at home. In my experience, men who cheat tend to be neglectful and distasteful husbands. Beyond the cheating obviously.

But again, she only sees that perfect man she fell in love with and he becomes the yardstick by which other relationships are measured. That almost always leaves her in a conflicted state. She wants a 'real' relationship, but none can ever measure up to that little utopia the cheater created for her. No one, regardless of how exceptional they are, can be perfect 24/7, yet she somehow thinks otherwise.

Other Consequences
Finally, an aspect I can't really comment on, because I've no way of seeing into these women's heads. What does an affair like this, really do to a woman's self-esteem? Sure, she feels loved and all that other shit, but in the back of her mind, she knows she'll never be his top priority. It's thrown in her face every time he goes home to his wife, or cancels an interlude because of unexpected family obligations. His words say she's the love of his life but his actions invariably confirm her status as second best. Or does she rationalize it in her obviously malleable mind in some way? For those who've been in this situation and are brave enough, I'd genuinely welcome your input.

I'll close with a question to ponder. Certainly, the experience negatively impacts the other woman, but was she already suffering from some sort of issue that made the arrangement attractive in the first place? Feel free to share your thoughts.
8 Comments
When Volunteer Work Becomes A Bit More Challenging
Posted:Apr 30, 2017 5:43 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2017 6:43 pm
9239 Views

Preface: This entry is not intended to evoke a pity party nor to solicit platitudes for my volunteer work. It's simply a 'get it off your chest' post.

As I mentioned in a previous blog entry, volunteering at the local SPCA has been incredibly rewarding for me. I can see genuine results of my efforts in the form of dogs finding homes. And I get to play with dogs, which is always fun. However, over the past few weeks, there have been some rough days for me at the shelter.

It'll help if I set the stage a bit. What most people don't realize is that many of the animals that come through our facility have never been pets or have been in 'the system' for so long, they've forgotten how to be one. As a result, they can often be quite difficult to work with, spooky, and sometimes aggressive. When I get done at the shelter, it sometimes feels as though I've been in a bar fight, because some massive animal has been fighting me on a leash or body slamming me in excitement. Bottom line, you can't do this sort of work without possessing a sincere, genuine love of animals.

But you wind up facing a double edged sword, because as much as you love these dogs, even the more challenging ones, you have to be able to switch your emotions off when you leave at the end of the day. If you don't, you'll wind up a complete mess and unable to do the work you've committed yourself to. It's a skill I've become adept at over the six years of so I've been on the volunteer training group. Some of the things I've seen, with respect to the condition dogs arrive in, I refuse to speak or think about. You have to shut those thoughts out.

But every now and again, there are dogs that won't allow you to just walk away unscathed. For one reason or another, they steal your heart and won't let go. So, as much as I try to cultivate my cold, bulletproof persona, I'll admit to there being times I've driven home with a tear in my eye. That happened this past week, but it was more of a tidal wave.

The story starts in September of last year. There were two German Shepherds that came into the shelter together; one was a 'standard', the other a beautiful white one. They had clearly been in the system for quite some time and were so shut down and flat that they were almost spooky. Like most dogs, they were incredibly stressed in the shelter environment. They were were loving, gentle, and scared out of their minds and for some reason, these two captured my heart. Two gorgeous dogs like that would normally find homes in a heartbeat. The white one alone would be adopted before I could finish typing this sentence. Except they had become emotionally dependent on one another and could only be adopted as a pair. Because of their codependency, I couldn't really work with one at a time, so I spent hours with both, gaining their trust, giving them love, treats, and generally trying to make their stay a little stressful. I know it helped a bit because they didn't wag their tails at all, when someone came to visit; they began doing it for me but only me.

Obviously, adopting two massive dogs requires someone special. Yet, some time in October, it happened, but came back within a month, when their new family had to move and couldn't take the girls along. They went back out in March and I thought they'd struck gold, being adopted by a family with a farm. We were all encouraged by the photos of the girls playing, which no one could get them to do at the shelter. Then, on Thursday, I saw a sign on one of the kennels - 'Reserved for X & Y'. My girls were being returned (through no fault of their own) and it felt like my heart was being ripped out. I'm not ashamed to admit there were a few tears even before I left the shelter that day.

But I'm taking all of the emotion and turning it to motivation to get the dogs adopted. That means breaking them up, if at all possible, but only if it can be done without harming their emotional well being. I'm the only one they trust enough to venture out without each other, so the task falls to me. I'll spare you the details, but I began yesterday and am encouraged by what I've accomplished so far.

Long post, with multiple admissions of vulnerability, but it needed to be written just to get if off my chest. Thanks for reading.
2 Comments
Expectations In Your Fantasy World
Posted:Apr 28, 2017 10:27 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2017 1:25 pm
9158 Views

When I wrote my entry on dating in your 40's, I thought I'd covered the topic fairly well. However, I recently had an experience that pushed what I considered an abnormal dating pitfall into the primary group.

I'd been emailing with a lovely woman, who seemed like a great catch. Educated, funny, very attractive, yada yada yada. We decided to chat on the phone and had an interesting and enjoyable conversation. The next day, she sent me an email that contained the following:

I must be honest though, I felt like I was talking to a long lost buddy, not someone I thought I might date. I'm not writing it off, I simply didn't fall asleep pondering the what ifs. I think that's what I was hoping for.

Wait, what???

While many have become jaded, everyone desires the fairy tale 'happily ever after', whether they'll openly admit it or not. Most of us who are dating have the desire to find a love that will last the rest of our lives. Some, both with and without some sort of mental health issues, tend to dive into a serious relationship more quickly than others. I've been guilty of doing so occasionally, in the past.

However, expecting to discover that perfect match / soulmate / love of your life in an initial phone call is just ludicrous for a host of reasons that I think are self-evident. Sorry, but I'm not feeling the need to sugar coat, today. There must be some insane level of magic that's gotta go down for that to happen! Personally, I've never experienced it nor have I ever encountered someone who claims it happened to them. One thing is for certain though; had someone told me they'd imagined the future with me, after the first phone call, Mo Farah would have looked like he was standing still compared to the speed I exhibited in running away.

She went on to conclude with: This may add to the reasons I am single.
Gee, ya think?

Before our phone conversation, she shared that the great love of her life was married to another woman. That somewhat set the stage for her expectations to be somewhat out of sync with reality. I'll save my thoughts on that situation for another post.

That brings us back to the beginning, where I mention omissions in my original dating entry. While I touched on unrealistic expectations, that section should probably be a bit more robust. If you revisit the blog, you'll see I explicitly state that those in the various segments should be avoided and a new one has been added.

Never Married / No - Probably what will be the most controversial on the list, it belongs just the same. It's intentionally a two criteria segment because, while it may offend some readers, you haven't learned what true commitment is until you've had of your own. Marriage can teach commitment, but not always. Regardless, the women in this segment have made a commitment to neither marriage nor . Because the reasons vary, ranging from unrealistic expectations, to chronic immaturity, to mental illness / fear of commitment / inability to love, and so on, it's not feasible to create the perfect picture of this woman. However, I've dated multiple women who fall into this category and, with only one exception, they've all been disasters.

This experience provides a great time to revisit our own expectations, with respect to a potential partner, and ask ourselves whether they're reasonable, complete fantasy, or potentially harmful to our own well being.

But dating in your 40's will still suck, so why bother. Just get a and fuck random strangers...
2 Comments

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