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Take Me Out To The Pol Game
Posted:Jun 17, 2020 10:14 pm
Last Updated:Jun 21, 2020 4:25 am
Hi !
This parody is written in honor of the upcoming Political Rally in Tulsa, and is derived from the song Take Out The Ball Game, by Jack Norworth and Albert Von Tilzer.

Take Me Out The Pol Game

Take me out the Pol game,
take me out with the crowd.
Give me some virus (I'll cough and hack),
My leader won't care if I never come back,
Let my lungs go POOT for the home team
If they don't win it's a shame.
Yet my vote won't count if I'm dead when it's out,
In the old Pol game.

Valley Girl Bored
Posted:Jun 11, 2020 7:25 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2020 7:19 pm
I am like, Valley Girl bored.

Gag with a spoon, totally...

Fat Serial-Killer Pizza
Posted:Jun 7, 2020 12:15 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2020 3:11 pm

I was just reading about online dating wherein it was written that the man a woman most fears meeting is a serial killer.

Men, on the other hand, most fear meeting someone "fat".

A few things occurred to me then.

First, women have much less worry about since the ratio of serial killer men to "fat" females must be quite wide.

Second, it could be possible that men are rather shallow when it comes to meeting new females. (I'm not ready commit completely that one yet).

Next, I wondered what would happen if more serial killers embraced "fat" women. Would there be less killing and more large women getting dates, or would there just be less large women, and happier serial-killer men?

Finally, I decided that I was hungry and ordered a pizza. It was delivered by a large woman who asked me kill her and 4 of her friends. Jeesh!

blog on!
Great Quotes From A Beatles Fan
Posted:Jun 6, 2020 9:43 pm
Last Updated:Jun 10, 2020 5:16 am

I'm so tired. I'm fixing a hole eight days a week.

Two of us carry that weight because (she's so heavy).

If I needed someone, I need you.

I've got a feeling she's leaving home. (You're going lose that girl).

If I fell tell why. I'm only sleeping.

When I'm sixty-four you won't see me drive my car.

I just don't understand Her Majesty. She said she said "Why don't we do it in the road?"

All things must pass. Don't pass me by, Michelle.

Your mother should know what you're doing across the universe in spite of all the danger.

Goodnight. I'll be back. When I get home.


Posted:Jul 1, 2018 3:38 pm
Last Updated:Nov 12, 2019 7:29 am
Hello ! It's Symposium Time again, Number 42 in a fantastic array of blogal creativity. You can go here to see how your fellow bloggers have interpreted this subject. And the subject is.... HOW HAS THIS SITE CHANGED YOUR SEXUAL OUTLOOK?

Today's Post features two of BlogLand's best loved characters.






Here at The Venting Blog editorial board in the interest of fairness, we wish to allow an opposing viewpoint to our recent editorial. Tonight we are pleased to present Miss Emily Litella. Miss Litella?

What's all this fuss going around about this site changing the Sessional outlook? There are no changes here. Jeff Sessions has always been this way. While Attorney General for the State of Alabama he argued in defense of "sodomy and sexual misconduct law", and remains no friend to liberal sexual attitudes.

While Attorney General for the U.S.A. he reached into his soul and found the Christian Apostle Paul, who gave him cover as he rent whole families asunder by claiming Divine ordainment of his government's law. The Sessional outlook is clear. Jesus is an okay refugee. We would prolly let him in. Central Americans are not okay refugees. There's no room at the Inn for them. (And the stables are full). He causeth the little to suffer.

The Sessional outlook is for many to suffer. Especially if they're in pain, and require some medicinal marijuana for relief. Or if local attitudes are lenient to illegal immigrants. The residents of those cities should be made to suffer as well.

The Sessional outlook has b...

Um. Miss Litella... Excuse me, but...

Yes? What is it?

The subject at issue today is about changing sexual outlooks. Not Sessional outlooks. It’s Sexual outlooks.

Oh. Really?

Author’s Note: I am a big fan of Gilda Radner R.I.P.

Lions, and Tigers, and Bears
Posted:Jun 16, 2018 10:30 am
Last Updated:Jun 7, 2020 2:19 pm
I am here today to express my utter outrage and abhorrence to my governments' policy of separating from their parents when they reach America's border. Immigration laws should be enforced, but not in a way that deliberately traumatizes innocent , and deconstructs families. This is being done in MY NAME, and I reject it completely. I vow to do all I can to have this policy reversed immediately.

blog on!
America Needs No King. America Wants No King.
Posted:Jun 13, 2018 10:43 am
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2018 3:16 pm

Hello ! The American Declaration of Independence as an 18th Century document is a difficult read. Here is an updated version from the 20th Century that seems to give an easier perspective. (Even better, would be a 21st Century translation, but I kinda like this one). Read on...

WHEN THINGS get so balled up that the people of a country got to cut loose from some other country, and go it on their own hook, without asking no permission from nobody, excepting maybe God Almighty, then they ought to let everybody know why they done it, so that everybody can see they are not trying to put nothing over on nobody.

All we got to say on this proposition is this: first, me and you is as good as anybody else, and maybe a damn sight better; second, nobody ain't got no right to take away none of our rights; third, every man has got a right to live, to come and go as he pleases, and to have a good time whichever way he likes, so long as he don't interfere with nobody else. That any government that don't give a man them rights ain't worth a damn; also, people ought to choose the kind of government they want themselves, and nobody else ought to have no say in the matter.

That whenever any government don't do this, then the people have got a right to give it the bum's rush and put in one that will take care of their interests. Of course, that don't mean having a revolution every day like them South American yellow-bellies, or every time some jobholder goes to work and does something he ain't got no business to do. It is better to stand a little graft, etc., than to have revolutions all the time, like them coons, and any man that wasn't a anarchist or one of them I.W.W.'s would say the same. But when things get so bad that a man ain't hardly got no rights at all no more, but you might almost call him a slave, then everybody ought to get together and throw the grafters out, and put in new ones who won't carry on so high and steal so much, and then watch them.

This is the proposition the people of these Colonies is up against, and they have got tired of it, and won't stand it no more. The administration of the present King, George III, has been rotten from the start, and when anybody kicked about it he always tried to get away with it by strong-arm work. Here is some of the rough stuff he has pulled:

He vetoed bills in the Legislature that everybody was in favor of, and hardly nobody was against.

He wouldn't allow no law to be passed without it was first put up to him, and then he stuck it in his pocket and let on he forgot about it, and didn't pay no attention to no kicks.

When people went to work and gone to him and asked him to put through a law about this or that, he give them their choice: either they had to shut down the Legislature and let him pass it all by himself, or they couldn't have it at all.

He made the Legislature meet at one- tank-towns, so that hardly nobody could get there and most of the leaders would stay home and let him go to work and do things like he wanted.

He give the Legislature the air, and sent the members home every time they stood up to him and give him a call-down or bawled him out.

When a Legislature was busted up he wouldn't allow no new one to be elected, so that there wasn't nobody left to run things, but anybody could walk in and do whatever they pleased.

He tried to scare people outen moving into these States, and made it so hard for a wop or one of these here kikes to get his papers that he would rather stay home and not try it, and then, when he come in, he wouldn't let him have no land, and so he either went home again or never come.

He monkeyed with the courts, and didn't hire enough judges to do the work, and so a person had to wait so long for his case to come up that he got sick of waiting, and went home, and so never got what was coming to him.

He got the judges under his thumb by turning them out when they done anything he didn't like, or by holding up their salaries, so that they had to knuckle down or not get no money.

He made a lot of new jobs, and give them to loafers that nobody knowed nothing about, and the poor people had to pay the bill, whether they could or not.

Without no war going on, he kept an army loafing around the country, no matter how much people kicked about it.

He let the army run things to suit theirself and never paid no attention whatsoever to nobody which didn't wear no uniform.

He let grafters run loose, from God knows where, and give them the say in everything, and let them put over such things as the following:

Making poor people board and lodge a lot of soldiers they ain't got no use for, and don't want to see loafing around.

When the soldiers kill a man, framing it up so that they would get off.
Interfering with business.

Making us pay taxes without asking us whether we thought the things we had to pay taxes for was something that was worth paying taxes for or not.

When a man was arrested and asked for a jury trial, not letting him have no jury trial.

Chasing men out of the country, without being guilty of nothing, and trying them somewheres else for what they done here.

In countries that border on us, he put in bum governments, and then tried to spread them out, so that by and by they would take in this country too, or make our own government as bum as they was.

He never paid no attention whatever to the Constitution, but he went to work and repealed laws that everybody was satisfied with and hardly nobody was against, and tried to fix the government so that he could do whatever he pleased.

He busted up the Legislatures and let on he could do all the work better by himself.
Now he washes his hands of us and even goes to work and declares war on us, so we don't owe him nothing, and whatever authority he ever had he ain't got no more.

He has burned down towns, shot down people like dogs, and raised hell against us out on the ocean.

He hired whole regiments of Dutch, etc., to fight us, and told them they could have anything they wanted if they could take it away from us, and sicked these Dutch, etc., on us.

He grabbed our own people when he found them in ships on the ocean, and shoved guns into their hands, and made them fight against us, no matter how much they didn't want to.

He stirred up the Indians, and give them arms and ammunition, and told them to go to it, and they have killed men, women and , and don't care which.

Every time he has went to work and pulled any of these things, we have went to work and put in a kick, but every time we have went to work and put in a kick he has went to work and did it again. When a man keeps on handing out such rough stuff all the time, all you can say is that he ain't got no class and ain't fitten to have no authority over people who have got any rights, and he ought to be kicked out.

When we complained to the English we didn't get no more satisfaction. Almost every day we give them plenty of warning that the politicians over there was doing things to us that they didn't have no right to do. We kept on reminding them who we was, and what we was doing here, and how we come to come here. We asked them to get us a square deal, and told them that if this thing kept on we'd have to do something about it and maybe they wouldn't like it. But the more we talked, the more they didn't pay no attention to us. Therefore, if they ain't for us they must be agin us, and we are ready to give them the fight of their lives, or to shake hands when it is over.

Therefore be it resolved, That we, the representatives of the people of the United States of America, in Congress assembled, hereby declare as follows: That the United States, which was the United Colonies in former times, is now a free country, and ought to be; that we have throwed out the English King and don't want to have nothing to do with him no more, and are not taking no more English orders no more; and that, being as we are now a free country, we can do anything that free countries can do, especially declare war, make peace, sign treaties, go into business, etc. And we swear on the Bible on this proposition, one and all, and agree to stick to it no matter what happens, whether we win or we lose, and whether we get away with it or get the worst of it, no matter whether we lose all our property by it or even get hung for it.

The Declaration of Independence in American
by H. L. Mencken 1921
What Is Afoot In BC?
Posted:May 13, 2018 5:05 pm
Last Updated:Jun 6, 2020 9:14 pm
What's afoot in British Columbia? Well, it aint just 12 American inches. Apparently it has 5 toes, and comes ashore wrapped in an athletic shoe. Yep, these are genuine human feet! Since 2007, 13 severed human feet have been found running up along the southern coast of BC.

What I want to know is how are the limbs ending up there? In that particular spot? There is no sole explanation for these feats of pedomotivity.

While many have hypothesized as to the origins of the mysterious feet, most remain stumped. (Those who think they know obviously refuse to be defeated). For myself, I'm not gonna leap to any conclusions, but walking back the series of events through news footage are steps you can take if you wanna try and solve the mystery. There is even a wiki page for it.

What do you guys think?

blog on!
Fly Me To The Moon
Posted:May 6, 2018 1:17 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2018 6:29 am
What sort of weather turns me on? Well, um, pretty much every sort does. I like variety in weather, so give me storms along with the calms. I imagine most folks are the same in this regard. After all, we are all but stardust in our uttermost origins. Born of the violence inherent in our universe, and perhaps inclined to violence as well.

Violence. Across the universe we find explosions, collisions, galactic births and deaths. All extreme in the violence of their nature. The universe that birthed us has been just as ready to kill us. Thus is the nature of violence.

We have been oh, so fortunate to be here on island Earth. The other orbs in the Solar System don’t give much in variety as regards to weather. If yer planet has no atmosphere, well, yer weather is pretty boring. It’s either hot or it’s cold, depending on what part of the orb you are located. This goes for Mercury and Mars.

Venus now, that is a different sort of boring. There’s an atmosphere there so you can have storms. The problem is, is that it’s all storms all the time. Definitely boring. Same old, same old forever and ever. Ditto that for Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. Stormy, Stormy, Stormy, and more Stormy... (Hmm, I wonder if I just channeled into the president’s brain? But I digress).

Then, there’s Earth. With all sorts of weather. Let’s hope that that never changes....

Fly me to the moon. Let me play among the stars. Let me see what Spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.
~ Bart Howard 1954

Blog on!

Authors Note: This composition was prepared for the 40th BlogLand Symposium what kind of weather turns you on I hope some of you will follow the link to discover how your fellow bloggers have interpreted this subject. blog on!

Once Upon A Mime
Posted:May 1, 2018 3:32 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2018 9:01 am


Once upon a time, there was a town full of mimes. A lovely town, (though quiet). It was attractive, and I felt drawn there as if being pulled along by an invisible rope.

I spent the morning mingling with the mimes, of a mind to fit in, but alas! I was walking in a mime field. Try as I might, I could not converse. I pleaded that they have vocal chords. “Use them!” I urged.

It was all to no avail. Mimes simply cannot think outside the box. Frustrated, I kidnapped one to study. I never hurt him, mind you. Everyone knows that a mime is a terrible thing to waste, but I wanted answers. He tried twisting away from me, and wrenched his hips, but I was not amused. More like disgusted, since everyone knows that a waist is a terrible thing to mime. He did help me understand how their women acted when he cried with frustration, “They’re all thespians!”

In the end, I learned that mimes are rather simple, as well as cheap. (Give me two silent nickels and you’ll have a mime). Yet, I never fully understood them until I found myself with Dick Van Dyke and Marcel Marceau on either side of me. That’s when I finally learned to read between the mimes, and see the truth.

The End

Authors note: Many thanks to today's muse BiggLala, whose post GGG Is Not So Grrrrreat sorta-kinda inspired this composition.

(actually I hijacked her post and went off-topic because I didn't understand the nature of GGG, and hid it with humor.)

oh well,

blog on!

WANT MORE? ReFractured Fairytales 1
What does a BlogLand SmartAss look like?
Posted:Apr 30, 2018 1:02 pm
Last Updated:May 31, 2020 10:12 am

Follow this link to see... Wife away seeking fun in Switzerland

blog on!
How Much Danger Do You Think We're In?
Posted:Apr 29, 2018 9:09 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2018 10:56 am
Hi ! In SCIFI we were talking fiction, but what if it is real? Could the dystopian futures represented in The Terminator, The Matrix, Dune, and other popular fiction actually come to be?

Or, is it happening even now as you sit there and read this on your AI generated screens?

So far, the benefits of AI technology have been staggering. Health, economics, transportation... positive advances in so many human endeavors. Yet, how much should we allow ourselves to depend on, to trust that these technologies will remain benign?

Already we are merging with our machines. At present, the interface is clunky as we mostly use our fingers to communicate with computers. Yet soon these connections shall be wired directly into our brains. No more pressing buttons, just think your commands.

But, for how long will you be in command, eh? Whatcha gonna do when they hack on you?

AI is NOW. It can be algorithms pointing fake news tailored specifically for YOU. Messages designed to manipulate your actions. Bots to back up your fears.

AI is here. Google and Alphabet are currently working with the military merging face recognition and language technologies in the drone program. Combine that with ever more powerful robotic machines and it gets scarier and scarier. How do you argue against greater AI capabilities when they are presented to you as a matter of your national defense?

This is AI in its infancy. What will the teenage years be like, eh? Are we in the early stages of creating an existential crisis for all humanity by merging so intimately with AI? What say you?

To link to this blog (keithcancook) use [blog keithcancook] in your messages.

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