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Dear John Letter 1/13/2005
A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a
"Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back
home. It read as follows:
<br>
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance
between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated
on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's
not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the
picture of me ...
0 Comments, 219 Views,
15 Votes
,6.81 Score
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Fun things to do in an elevator 1/13/2005
In an elevator...
<br>
When there's only one other person in the elevator,
tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't
you.
<br>
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.
<br>
Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push
the wrong ones.
<br>
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches ...
0 Comments, 322 Views,
32 Votes
,5.87 Score
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Billy Bob 1/11/2005
One day Billy Bob goes to town wearing nothing but his gun
belt and boots.
<br>
The sheriff spots him and asks, "What the hell are
you doing walking around town dressed like that?"
<br>
B.B. replies, "Well sheriff, it's a long story.
Me and Mary Lou was down on the farm and we started a-cuddlin'.
Mary Lou said we should go in the barn and we did. Inside the
barn we ...
0 Comments, 144 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score
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Bra Sizes 1/11/2005
Ever wonder why they use ABCDEF to define bra sizes?
<br>
<br>
A - Absent
<br>
<br>
B - Barely visable
<br>
<br>
C - Come in useful
<br>
<br>
D - Damn good
<br>
<br>
E - Enormus
<br>
<br>
F - Fantastic
<br>
<br>
FF - F@@king fake
1 Comments, 205 Views,
11 Votes
,4.48 Score
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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? 1/11/2005
Here's a prime example offered by an English professor
from the University of Phoenix:
<br>
<br>
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the
tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair
off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
of a short story. You will e-mail your ...
1 Comments, 78 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Don't ya hate it when.... 1/9/2005
People point at their wrist while asking for the time. 'I
know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours?'
Do you point at your crotch when you ask where the toilet
is?
<br>
People say, "Oh you just want to have your cake and
eat it too." Piss off. What good is a goddamn cake if
you can't eat it?
<br>
People say, "It's always in the last place you'd
look." ...
0 Comments, 265 Views,
34 Votes
,5.40 Score
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BJ anyone...... 1/7/2005
Two prostitutes are standing on a corner, one
says "Tonight is gonna be a good night, I can smell
dick in the air". The other replies, "Sorry,
I just burped"
0 Comments, 420 Views,
29 Votes
,3.84 Score
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Ahhh....Tequila! 1/6/2005
A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter
and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. The
man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it!
<br>
He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's
with the jar?" "Well, you pay ten dollars ... and IF you pass three
tests, you
get all the money!!!" The man certainly isn't
going to pass this up! ...
2 Comments, 40 Views,
14 Votes
,5.22 Score
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Yo Mama jokes....I think they're funny 1/6/2005
Yo mama is so ugly, she looked out the window and got arrested
for mooning.
<br>
Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on
a map, she sees people waving.
<br>
Yo mama's so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and
came out with a job application.
<br>
Yo Mama is so ugly, she walked out of the pet store and the
alarm went off.
<br>
...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
0 Votes
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One More Beer 1/6/2005
A guy leaves the bar, hoping he can get home early enough
so not to piss his wife off for drinking after work. He gets
home and finds his boss in bed with his wife. He heads back
to the bar and tells the bartender the story.
<br>
"Wow, that's awful, what did you do?" "Well,
I carefully snuck back out the door and hi-tailed it back
here, shoot, they we're just getting started so ...
0 Comments, 217 Views,
12 Votes
,3.68 Score
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A couple of doozies 1/6/2005
Okay, I'm not putting these jokes here expecting a
high score or anything. In fact, they're so bad that
I expect a really low score. I just want one more legitimate
article, so that I can get the max. # of pts. available for
writing articles. So, here goes.
<br>
A giraffe walks into a bar and says, "Hey, everyone,
the highballs are on me!"
<br>
A polar bear ...
0 Comments, 81 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Little ol ladies need luv too! 1/6/2005
A little old lady with blue hair entered the marital aids
shop and asked in a quivering voice,
"Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell-dildos h-here?"
The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady's
appearance in his shop, answered "Uh, yes, ma'am.
We do."
The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about
10 inches apart asked, "D- do y-you
ha-aave any ab-bb-bout th-this ...
0 Comments, 135 Views,
11 Votes
,3.35 Score
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nice legs!! 1/5/2005
A young man who was running away from the MP's because
he didn't want to go to the war in Iraq came across a nun.
"May I hide under your skirt please?" Reluctantely
the nun agrees and lets him under her skirt. Two MP's
stop when they see the nun and ask her if she saw anyone go
running by. "He went that way sir" she answered.
"Thanks!" and the MP's took off after the
young man.
The man ...
1 Comments, 434 Views,
93 Votes
,6.24 Score
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Gay Yuppies. 1/5/2005
Any one hear about the two gay yuppies? Gerald fits John,
and John fits Gerald.
2 Comments, 27 Views,
13 Votes
,0.63 Score
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Do you know how to find a sexy frog ? 1/3/2005
>>>Look under a horny toad.
0 Comments, 17 Views,
6 Votes
,0.23 Score
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mickey and minni 1/2/2005
mickey and minni are getting a devorce and the devorce councler
is talking to minni first and then brings in mickey at starts
out saying i just don't see it minni isn't crazy.
mickey replys I never said she was I said she was fucking
goofy.
2 Comments, 207 Views,
35 Votes
,3.41 Score
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Talking clock 1/2/2005
There was a drunk showing some friends his new apartment.He
was showing them his bedroom and there was a brass gong next
to his bed.One friend asks what the gong ws for.The drunk
says it a talking clock.The friends were curious as to how
it worked.So the drunk picks up a mallet and hits the gong
with ear shattering sound.Suddenly from the other side
of the wall someone screams[ IT'S 3 ...
0 Comments, 463 Views,
105 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Name the Plays 1/1/2005
The following represents six plays written by William
Shakespeare. Can you name them?
<br>
WET, DRY, MISCARRIAGE, 3", 6", 12"
<br>
<br>
give up?
<br>
<br>
wet is A Midsummer Night's Dream
dry is The Twelfth Night
miscarriage is Loves Labour Lost
3" is Much Ado About Nothing
6" is As You Like It
12" is Taming of the Shrew
1 Comments, 247 Views,
60 Votes
,0.52 Score
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FOUR BROTHERS 12/30/2004
Four brothers left home for college, and soon they became
successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.
<br>
Several years later, they chatted after having dinner
together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give
their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
<br>
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, " I had a ...
0 Comments, 76 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Penis 12/29/2004
Man and a lady dancing the old way holding each other.
He says to her my dear have you ever seen a penis before? she
says "no I have never seen a penis what is one of those?
he dances to an alcove and says again "are you sure
you have never seen a penis before? she says " I promise
i have never seen a penis. With that the man unzips his flys
and lobs out his dick, "that my dear is a ...
2 Comments, 344 Views,
37 Votes
,4.51 Score
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Definitions 12/28/2004
1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at
McDonalds
<br>
2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do
<br>
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage
<br>
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with
<br>
5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate
<br>
6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
!
<br>
7. ...
1 Comments, 30 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Yet **More** Blonde Jokes 12/28/2004
Q: How do you get a blonde to drown herself?
<br>
A: Put a scratch 'n sniff perfume sample on the
bottom of a swimming pool.
<br>
<br>
Next:
<br>
Two blondes went shopping one day in the one blonde's
new BMW convertible. As they exited the mall, the owner
of the car said, "Oh, no! I locked my keys in the car!"
<br>
Her friend ...
2 Comments, 199 Views,
14 Votes
,4.58 Score
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How smart are you? 12/28/2004
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the
muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep
mentally alert. The saying; "If you don't use
it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so.......
Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss
of intelligence. So take the following test presented
here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with ...
0 Comments, 56 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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a hound barking 12/24/2004
Jhone very like to hunting. He had a very good experience
with a special hound. The very fast to pickup goose at
past years.
<br>
When he visit the hunting field again this year.
He requesting to rent this again. The filed owner told
him this will charge you more money from this year.
<br>
John said, yes, no problem. John ride to
hunt goose. He felt very ...
0 Comments, 256 Views,
38 Votes
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Creation of pussy 12/23/2004
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
Created pussy to their design,
First was a carpenter strong and bold,
With his hammer and chisel he gave it a hole,
Second was a butcher smart with wit,
With his knife he gave it a slit,
Third was a hunter short and stout,
With fox fur he lined it without,
Fourth was a taylor tall and thin,
With red velvet he lined it within,
Fifth was a ...
0 Comments, 215 Views,
19 Votes
,3.78 Score
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x-mas joke 12/23/2004
Why doesn't Santa Claus have any ?
<br>
Cause he only comes once a year!
0 Comments, 64 Views,
10 Votes
,1.99 Score
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Christmas Trees 12/22/2004
Two blondes decided to go into the forest to cut their own
Christmas trees. After several hours battling through
the snow and fighting off wolves, one said to the other "fuck
it, I'm cutting down the next tree I see whether it has
decorations on it or not"
0 Comments, 199 Views,
20 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Memories 12/22/2004
Two old guys in a nursing home were talking to each other
and one said "you that young nurse with the beautiful
body and great tits", "yeah" said his
mate. "She came into my room last night and did a slow
strip and was completely naked in front of me" His
mate said "what did you do" The other replied
"I couldn't think so I just started singing "memories,
of the things we left ...
0 Comments, 228 Views,
26 Votes
,4.32 Score
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ARE YOU A TRUE MINNESOTAN? 12/21/2004
THIS IS JEFF FOXWORTHY'S IDEA ABOUT A TRUE MINNESOTAN
<br>
1. " VACATION" MEANS GOING NORTH OR SOUTH OF
35W FOR THE WEEKEND
<br>
2. YOU MEASURE DISTANCE IN HOURS
<br>
3. YOU KNOW SEVERAL PEOPLE WHO HAVE HIT A DEER MORE THAN ONCE
<br>
4. YOU OFTEN SWITCH HEAT TO A/C IN THE SAME DAY AND BACK AGAIN
<br>
5. YOU CAN DRIVE 65 THROUGH 2 FEET OF ...
0 Comments, 109 Views,
14 Votes
,2.66 Score
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Crotchless Undies 12/20/2004
Wife comes home with new crutchless undies and hubby is
on the couch with a beer in hand. Wife puts one foot on to the
arm-rest and says "how would you like some of this".
Hubby has a look and says "get fucked, look what it's
done to your undies".
0 Comments, 95 Views,
23 Votes
,4.18 Score
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