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Little Johnny See Double 3/11/2016
Little Johnny was sitting in Beginning Sex Ed class when
the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board.
“Does anyone know what this is?” She asked. Little
Johnny raised his hand and said, “Sure, my Dad has two
of them!” “Two of them?” the teacher asked.
“Yeah, He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a
big one that he uses to brush mommy’s teeth!”
0 Comments, 36 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Price 3/11/2016
At a carpet store a very well dress woman bent over and touched
a Persian rug and she farted.
When she gets up she notices that there is a salesman standing
behind her.
She then asks the salesman, “How much is this rug?”
The salesman replies, “Well, lady… if you farted just
touching it, you’re gonna crap when you hear the price.”
0 Comments, 20 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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racing fans!! 3/9/2016
reply to this post rate flag
Horses in the race are:
1. Passionate Lady 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Shorts 6. Clean Sheets 7. Thighs 8. Big Johnson 9. Heavy Bosum 10. Merry Cherry
At the Post:
They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosum is being ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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is that all? 3/8/2016
A young couple were married and celebrated their first
night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again,
all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower.
He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When
she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing
his body for the first time to his ...
1 Comments, 94 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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The Toilet Seat 3/7/2016
My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to varnish
the wooden seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing
it while Julie was out. After finishing, I left to take care
of another matter before she returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting
in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand
up, she realized that the not-quite-dry ...
0 Comments, 139 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Advice 3/7/2016
An elderly Cherokee was teaching his grandson about life.
He said to him: "A fight is going on inside me. It is
a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
One wolf is evil---he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret,
greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority,
lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.
The other is good ---he is joy, peace, love, ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Curious Blonde 3/6/2016
A blonde and a brunet are getting in the elevator, along
comes this really hot guy. The girls noticed he has a really
bad dandruff problem.
The brunet whispers to the blonde, "Someone should
give him head and shoulders", and the blonde says,
"How do you give shoulders.
1 Comments, 36 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Teeth 3/6/2016
Lady goes to dentist, ; finally in the room with the dentist,
she sits down and lifts her legs all the way up, and wide apart.
Dentist says lady, Im a dentist, not a gynocologist; Lady says i know, i just want my husband's teeth back.
HaHa lolol
0 Comments, 13 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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smart guy!!! 3/5/2016
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled
into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women.
They started getting friendly with all the women, when
suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all
these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three
men must pay for what you have done today.
You will be punished in a way corresponding to your ...
0 Comments, 76 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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Last Kiss 3/3/2016
A group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to
jump off a bridge so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What
are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide, " she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't
want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before
you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, ...
2 Comments, 136 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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attention please!!!! 2/29/2016
Official Announcement: The government today announced that it is changing its
emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately
reflects the government's political stance.
A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys
the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives
you a sense of security while you're actually being
screwed.
Damn, it just ...
0 Comments, 46 Views,
8 Votes
,5.56 Score
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Hey Doc, 2/29/2016
A man goes to his doctor, He says Doc, i dont know if my wife
has T B , or V D. Doc says chase her around the bed a couple of
times, . If she coughs, Fuck her. lol
0 Comments, 18 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Hey Doc, 2/29/2016
A man goes to his doctor, He says Doc, i dont know if my wife
has T B , or V D. Doc says chase her around the bed a couple of
times, . If she coughs, Fuck her. lol
0 Comments, 8 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Hey Doc, 2/29/2016
A man goes to his doctor, He says Doc, i dont know if my wife
has T B , or V D. Doc says chase her around the bed a couple of
times, . If she coughs, Fuck her. lol
0 Comments, 6 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Hey Doc, 2/29/2016
A man goes to his doctor, He says Doc, i dont know if my wife
has T B , or V D. Doc says chase her around the bed a couple of
times, . If she coughs, Fuck her. lol
0 Comments, 2 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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The favor 2/28/2016
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland
asked the priest beside her: "Father, may I ask
a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer
that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid
they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry
it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
...
1 Comments, 128 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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Jokes leading to sex 2/27/2016
Has being funny around somebody ever led to hot sex?
0 Comments, 23 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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The hungry elephant 2/25/2016
What did the elephant say to the naked man? ? How do you eat with that thing.!!! lol
0 Comments, 15 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Drunk Driving Test 2/24/2016
A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles
south of Waco Texas. When the trooper asked the driver
why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician
and Juggler and was on his way to Austin Texas to do a show
for the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling
and said if the driver would do a little ...
1 Comments, 141 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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Confession 2/17/2016
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following
conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years,
many , grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking.
We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three
times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?' ...
1 Comments, 163 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Lemon Squeeze 2/16/2016
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive
me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made
mad passionate love to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze
seven lemons into a ...
0 Comments, 126 Views,
11 Votes
,4.48 Score
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all in the NAME!!! 2/13/2016
the first of the Three Wise Men slowly approached the barn
and gingerly crossed over the threshold----into a big
juicy pile of shit. Looking down at his gold slippers,
he let out a shriek----"Jesus Christ!" The
woman at the manger turned to her companion and said, "Joseph,
that's a better name for the than Irving."
0 Comments, 43 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
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Python for sale 2/11/2016
A blonde was selling her pet Python.
Another blonde called, inquiring about the snake and asked
if it was big.
She said, "It's massive."
She said, “How many feet?"
She said "none! ….it's a fucking snake !!"
0 Comments, 45 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Sex Reason. 2/11/2016
Ran across this and thought it would be nice to share it with
others here on the site. I like the thought and maybe you
will to.
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal.
0 Comments, 27 Views,
0 Votes
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rescue!!! 2/9/2016
reply to this post rate flag
One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for
over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship", he thinks
to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out
the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous
blonde woman wearing a ...
1 Comments, 149 Views,
19 Votes
,5.50 Score
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vacation!!!! 2/3/2016
God decided he needed a vacation One of his aides suggested
Venus. "Forget it, " God said, "I went
there 10, 000 years ago and got sunburned."
Another aide suggested Jupiter. "No way, "
God replied. "I went there 5, 000 years ago and froze
my butt off."
A third adviser suggested Earth. "That's the
worst of all, " God answered angrily. "I was
there 2, 000 years ago and they're ...
1 Comments, 83 Views,
8 Votes
,2.55 Score
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marriage!!! 2/3/2016
Dingey's father was disturbed when he found out his
was masturbating several times a day out in the barn.
"Boy, you gotta quit that! Go out and get yourself
a wife."
So Dingey went out and found himself a pretty young girl,
to whom he got married. But a week or so after the wedding,
the father found Dingey 'choking the chicken'
again.
"You crazy boy!" he yelled, ...
3 Comments, 151 Views,
10 Votes
,4.98 Score
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the challenge 2/2/2016
One evening, two guys were in a bar arguing over which of
them can have sex the most times in one night. They decide
to settle the issue by going to the local whorehouse and
gathering experimental evidence, as it were.
So they get to the whorehouse, pair off with a couple of the
ladies, and go to their respective rooms.
Johnny energetically balls his and, reaching up
with a ...
2 Comments, 118 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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a+ 2/1/2016
Dan, a college student, is home for summer break. In order
to make a few extra bucks he decides that he is going to apply
for a part time job at the local K-Mart. Dan fills out the
standard application and is called into the manager’s
office. The manager is the typical K-Mart employee — skinny,
glasses, pocket protector and K-Mart clothes. Also, he
takes a little too much pride in working at ...
2 Comments, 104 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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Oops! The Laundry Guy now knows I'm a SLUT. 2/1/2016
This is a true story...much to my chagrin.
I enjoy double entendres and sexy texting with friends.
I text indecent proposals to my partner in crime all day
long. I'm a fast typist, so when I'm at home, I text
from my computer in the Mac program iMessage*, which shows
all the people I'm texting in a line like below:
[image]
Each week, I text The Laundry Guy (TLG) to ask ...
1 Comments, 103 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
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