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A depressed young woman... 1/31/2016
A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided
to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When
she went down to the docks to end it all, a handsome young
sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, “Look,
you’ve got a lot to live for. I’m off to Europe in the
morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll
take good care of you and bring you ...
3 Comments, 82 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Stork Family 1/31/2016
There is a family of storks: A mommy stork, a daddy stork,
and a baby stork. One day, daddy didn't come home for
dinner. Mommy and baby were very worried. When dad came
home late the next morning, they asked what he was doing.
"I was making a young couple very happy, " he
replied.
About a week later, mommy didn't come home for dinner.
Daddy and baby were very worried. When mom ...
0 Comments, 90 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Sportsman’s Double 1/31/2016
A guy ends up with an older woman at a bar last. She looked
pretty good for a 55-year-old. In fact, she wasn’t too
bad at all, and he found himself thinking she probably had
a really hot . They drank a couple of beers, and
she asked if I’d ever had a “Sportsman’s Double”?
“What’s that?” the guy asked. “It’s a mother
and threesome.” she said.
As the guy’s mind ...
2 Comments, 88 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Dirty jokes ;-) 1/31/2016
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers
up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting,
"Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone
expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders
off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later,
the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I
just did your mom, and it was ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
0 Votes
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the vagina!!! 1/31/2016
The best engine in the world is the Vagina. It can be started
with one finger, It is self lubricating, It takes any size
piston, And it changes it's own oil every four weeks.
It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking
temperamental.....
2 Comments, 47 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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wise soul!!! 1/30/2016
A senior citizen was walking across a damp meadow when he
heard a female voice say, "Sir, I would like to ask
a great favor of you "He looked around and saw only
a frog sitting on a grass pod. "I must be going nuts, "
he thought, "There's no one here."
The voice then said, "Please, sir. Please help me."
Again all he saw was the frog, looking straight at him. "Who
said that?" ...
3 Comments, 96 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score
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surprize!! 1/30/2016
At a girl's college dormitory, dates were permitted
only on Saturday night.
One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, explaining
to an older woman in the lobby of the dorm that it was imperative
he see a certain young lady immediately.
"I want to surprise her. You see, I'm her brother."
 He said with all the innocence he could muster.
"Oh, she'll be surprised ...
1 Comments, 110 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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oh billy!!! 1/28/2016
Little Billy was at home doing his math homework. He said
to himself, “Two plus five, that of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that of a bitch is nine.” In that moment, his mother comes in and hears what he is saying.
“BILLY!!! What are you doing? What are you saying??”
Little Billy answered “I’m doing my math homework
Mom.” “And is that what the teacher taught you?” she ...
2 Comments, 105 Views,
9 Votes
,4.92 Score
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awesome ride 1/28/2016
I bought a new Dodge Challenger. I returned to the dealer
the next day complaining that I couldn't figure out
how the radio worked.
The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
"Watch this!", he said, "Nelson"!
The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"
"Willie!", He continued and "On The Road
Again" came from the speakers.
Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and ...
1 Comments, 85 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
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A toast for the birds 1/28/2016
Cheers for the stork, who brings good babies. Cheers to the raven, who brings bad babies. And most of all, Cheers to the swallow, who brings no babies!!
1 Comments, 19 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Lemon Squeeze 1/27/2016
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive
me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made
mad passionate love to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze
seven lemons into a ...
0 Comments, 108 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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Two women are walking home.... 1/27/2016
Two women are walking home from a night at the bar and have
to pee, so they stop at a cemetery. With nothing to wipe with
one uses her panties and the other uses a nearby wreath.
The next day one of the women's husbands calls the other,
"They are never going out again! My wife came home
without panties!"
The other replies, "You think that's bad? My
wife came home with a card in ...
0 Comments, 45 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Two women are walking home.... 1/27/2016
Two women are walking home from a night at the bar and have
to pee, so they stop at a cemetery. With nothing to wipe with
one uses her panties and the other uses a nearby wreath.
The next day one of the women's husbands calls the other,
"They are never going out again! My wife came home
without panties!"
The other replies, "You think that's bad? My
wife came home with a card in ...
2 Comments, 25 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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A man walks into a bar 1/27/2016
A man walks into a bar and grabs a menu:
Hamburger $5
Beer $5
Handjob $5
A gorgeous waitress walks up to take his order and he asks
her, "Are you the ones giving the handjobs?"
She licks her lips and replies, "Yes."
He puts a $5 bill on the table and says, "Well wash your
hands, I want a burger!"
0 Comments, 28 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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putting it in 1/27/2016
A man goes to church and tells the priest "Father,
I almost cheated on my wife."
The priest asks him "How do you almost cheat on your
wife?"
The man says "Well, me and the woman were naked but
we just rubbed against each other."
The priest looks at him disgusted and says "Rubbing
is the same as putting it in. Never do it again, say five Hail
Mary's and put $100 in the ...
2 Comments, 54 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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my favorite come on 1/27/2016
one of my favorite come on is to approach my intended and
warm them up then ask " ya want to go necking some? i
promise to be a good boy? i will keep my hands above the waist
at all times! and my head below!
1 Comments, 30 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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all night long!!! 1/27/2016
Two dwarfs pick up two hookers and take them to their hotel rooms.
The first dwarf not only can't get a hard-on, but all
night he has to listen to the other dwarf and the other
grunting "One, two three, uhh...one, two three,
uhh..."
In the morning, the second dwarf says to the first dwarf,
"So how was it?"
The first dwarf says, "It sucked. I couldn't
get a hard-on ...
2 Comments, 78 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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calling to say thank you!! 1/25/2016
A Jewish congregation in New York honors its Rabbi for 25
years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all
expenses paid.
When he walks into his hotel room, there's a beautiful
girl, nude, lying on the bed. She says, "Hi, Rabbi,
I'm a little something extra that the president of
the board arranged for you."
The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the ...
2 Comments, 92 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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Retired US Navy Veteran 1/24/2016
The old guy is up in his attic going thru his old Navy chest,
that had all his Navy pictures, and things in. He started
trying on the old Navy clothes, . The Navy hat was way too
small. His Navy shirt was way too small. And his pants were
way too short. He is standing there, with one sock on his
dick, jacking like a mad man. He goes , Well, at least the
socks still fits.
2 Comments, 49 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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The last rites 1/22/2016
Some guys were sitting in a bar having a conversation.
One of them says, "What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?"
They think about it for a while, and then one of them answers,
"I want them to say I was a good guy, and that I would
be remembered as a very kind man."
The second guy nodded and said, "Yeah, I want them to say that I didn't deserve
to ...
3 Comments, 101 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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TEXT 1/22/2016
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text:
"If you are laughing send me your smile.
If you are crying send me your tears.
If you are eating send me a bite.
If you are drinking send me a sip.
If you are awake send me your thoughts.
If you are sleeping send me your dreams.
I love you!"
The husband, typically non ...
1 Comments, 65 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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The confession 1/19/2016
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said
to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another
woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed
together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting
it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, ...
0 Comments, 102 Views,
7 Votes
,5.84 Score
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Dirty Knock Knock Jokes 1/18/2016
Knock, Knock! Who's There? Anita! Anita who? Anita
Dick inside me
0 Comments, 12 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Dirty Knock Knock Jokes 1/18/2016
Knock, Knock! Who's There? Anita! Anita who? Anita
Dick inside me
0 Comments, 7 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Funny Accountants Jokes 1/18/2016
What is the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone
who has a loophole named after him. Why do accountants make
good lovers? They're great with figures. What is the
definition of "accountant"? Someone who solves
a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't
understand. Why did God invent economists? So accountants
could have someone to laugh at. Why accountants don't
read novels? ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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3 Pregnant Women Joke 1/18/2016
Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead,
and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says,
"I know what I'm going to have." The other
to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I
concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said,
"If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl
because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde
starts crying and ...
0 Comments, 51 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Missed Chance 1/17/2016
It was late on Sunday morning and the man was in bed with a
hard-on. He wrote a note and had his four year old give
it to his mother.
It read:
“The tent pole is up; the canvas is spread; quit your damned
cooking and come back to bed.”
The turned the note over and wrote a reply. She had your
give it to his father.
It read:
“Take the tent pole ...
0 Comments, 95 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Cream and sugar for a coffee 1/16/2016
Young waitress asks elderly man: Do you want a cream and sugar for your coffee? Man responds by saying: Just a cream because I am sweet already. She asks then: Could you prove it? Man answers: Sure, just kiss me!
0 Comments, 65 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Sitting under a palm tree 1/13/2016
Did you hear the one about the two Arabs sitting under a palm
tree eating their dates?
2 Comments, 46 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Two Irish Nuns 1/12/2016
Two Irish nuns, old and young, were sitting at a traffic
light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulled up
alongside of them.
"Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!"
shouts one of the drunks.
The Mother Superior thought this would be a good test for
the novice, and turns to Sister Immaculata, "I don't
think they know who we are - show them your cross."
So, ...
0 Comments, 141 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
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